I have just two things I would like to address real quick before I go to sleep, and I’m looking at you Illinois drivers. Now, I come from the land of asshole drivers, namely New England, but I think I’m just really accustomed to the insanity of the various Massachusetts speedways. That being said, I’d like talk about two topics that seem to have been skipped in Illinois driving schools:

1. Firstly, it is illegal for me to run a red light. Let me repeat that. It is illegal for me to run a red light. Got it? That means that for the first half second between when the light turns from red to green, it is perfectly normal for someone to not already be moving. So, lay off the fucking horn as soon as the light turns green! Seriously people, I have seen that the light has turned green, I have registered this, and now I’m starting to take my foot off the brake, then HOOOOONK! If you’re in that much of a rush run the damn light on your own. I’m not prepared to move out into traffic because I didn’t join into your lights-about-to-change-pregame-party. Calm the fuck down.
2. Speaking of moving into traffic, here’s something else I’d like you to stop doing. Do you know what a stop-line is? Do you, really? Here’s the idea behind a stop-line. When you come to a red-light there is a line, which you are supposed to stop behind. They call this the stop-line. Now, when you’re at the light, fucking stop. See, besides not getting creamed by passing traffic, you might actually let me, the guy to your right who wants to make a right-on-red, see whether or not it is clear for me to turn. If you thought old-lead-foot behind me was pissed that I wasn’t running a red light, try explaining to him that you’re blocking my line of site so I’m doing the responsible thing and waiting for a green light so I can make my right with confidence. So please, stop at the damn line. Oh, and don’t creep over it, either, ’cause what’s the damn point?

I’m gonna go 100% speculative and blame coffee and energy drinks, ’cause why not?

Tags: Driving, Etiquette

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am and is filed under Jarret. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.