Fuck you, Santa
What the flying fuck happened to the holidays? It couldn’t have always been like this. I can’t say from experience because I can only really remember the last 10 and faintly remember the 10 before that, and they suck. They ALWAYS suck.
Take the mall, for instance. Have you seen the crowds? Have you had to wait in long lines? That thing you wanted to buy for that person who you don’t really know but you have to buy something because you just KNOW that they are going to buy something for you was sold out? Was the parking a nightmare? Fuck you. Guess what? You are part of the goddamn problem.
You, the people that go to the mall every year and spend spend spend spend spend, the people that look for gifts based on a minimum price point, the people that get pissed off at everyone else doing the EXACT SAME THING as you are doing (and don’t worry they fucking HATE you, too), the people that try to out-do each other every year with extravagance, the people that wait in line before a store opens, you. You raise the ante every year. You drive the fervor. You are what is wrong with the whole idea of giving because with this constant, salivating drive you make it terrible. It’s never, ever about giving. Never. No matter what you tell yourself or tell others about how ’tis better to give’ it’s a goddamn lie. If it’s really better to give, then why is there a “From:” line on those fancy handmade-look-alike labels you bought from a place that sells FANCY PAPER. If you really think it’s that much better to give, return everything you bought last July (I know, I know, you got ALL of your shopping done in July. Yes we all heard. No, really. It was important that you told me every time we saw a commercial for products or went by a place that sold anything), take that money you got back, and take a day off work and go ladle soup into a bowl for the homeless. Go man a TOYS for TOTS drop off point. Hang out in a grocery store supermarket parking lot and help old people with their stuff. -Yes, old people DO go to the supermarket. They go during the day because when you rush home and make a quick stop there to grab dinner, old people don’t have the reaction time to get the fuck out of your way- Just do something other than jerking off your ego.
Here is an idea. Go back into that fancy paper store and buy a box of holiday cards. A blank box of cards. Then go somewhere else and buy a pen. Use a bic if you want. Sit down, and write in them. Don’t type in them. Draw in them. Don’t tape print outs in them. Spend some time thinking about what you are doing. I bet you there won’t be any lines.